I don't know what has happened to me lately, even Jerome can't motivate me to go to school already. Last time, no matter how tired I am, I'd go for Jerome's sake. However, now, even if i do get to see him, I just don't have the feeling and mood to face him~

Sometimes I don't understand why I try so hard to be nice and helpful to everyone, they just don't appreciate it, minus a few minority [i mean]. They are just nice to you when they need your help, after that, they pass all sorts of comments and insults behind your back. I know you don't like me, but why act like you do? Because you can ask me for more help when you encounter problems - be it homework or whatever. Idiots! All they do is make FULL use of you, then dump you to a corner. What's worse, they say all sorts of bad things about you. Yeah?! I wish you all could just die, ot whatsoever.

There is just no point being good with ignorant people, they don't appreciate your help I feel un-motivated to go school, to face all sorts of people, who only pretend to be nice to you when in fact they keep on gossiping about you. Fucking bastards or bitches. If you are so smart, you shouldn't ask me for help.

Family problems have seem to lighten up abit, which is good. It is school that is bringing me down. I feel frustrated thinking about going there. I feel like I'm caught in between and I can't breathe. I feel like a fool by allowing myself to be made use by them. Compassion INDEED is a weakness.

My relationship with Adam is also on the rocks. Maybe I vent all my frustration on him, and he'd be like "Why can't you face me and smile? Everytime I see you, you look like you wanna cry and you get irritated easily" You see, what you all have made me?! I'm sorry, you may say I shouldn't be so emotional and get affected by it, BUT then, if it were you, HOW WILL YOU FEEL?!

Thus, if I feel like dying, will you accompany me? :(