Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Replace

FOM presentation is finally over. glad that all went well, marvellous team-mates that are very very cooperative. very nice and lovely people to work with. understanding, diligent, and just simply wonderful. thanks guys! :D hugs*

just realised jerome actually understands chinese. i guess dont ever judge a book by its cover. i remember complaining so much on monday bout him, cuz he wont help or explain to me what is going on. i am getting very frustrated as i dont understand what the whole lab is going on. i feel lost as usual, but i dont have people to guide me step by step. that is what that makes me especially upset and irritated. i guess he understand everything that i complained and thats why he gave me attitude. did i mention he had flawless skin! =) i was tempted to touch. oops! :X

i dun understand DEL and common test is next week. cries* its tough...and i dont understand DeMorgan's Theorem. sadded, where's all the other DEL tchers when you need them!? i guess we kinda have to depend on ourselves. DAMN~


hydefied - @ 21:28


Monday, May 29, 2006
HONEY

i was kinda stuck when a guy friend of mine asked, "what type of guy do you want". i started thinking and i finally got an answer, i want a guy that is a mix of jerome and jimmy. i like him tall like jimmy, with that sexy deep voice like jerome. both jerome and jimmy have wonderful body, so i need not make a choice for that. i want him smart, and i dont care if he reads erotic literature anot, cuz at least he reads thus i shalt complain too much!

rushing through FOM tutorials, but i can say i love my team mates this semester. they are very co-operative and wonderful people. and the video you guys did was wonderful! i love you all for being so understanding and also patient with my preaching of jerome-ism. whatmore can i say, many thanks and love going out to cas, ben, casey, chris, and yew ming! you guys make the best team mates. hugs*

CT next week. and i wanna do well, therefore, ben, cas, fir, lets all work hard to achieve the grades that we want and do our best in everything we set our hearts to do! aja aja! <--- by the way, i am surprise casey and i have a common interest, korea! great to have friends who share common interest, it makes life more interesting.

i dont see a point in getting sad, cuz i found the right person to confide all my problems to. DERRICK! yea..to this dear boy, he patiently "hears" all my screams and complains via msn conversation. lovely person who never fails to cheer me up like what my dear friends do. and its great to know we have so many things in common, and he's very understanding! (:

i should be in bed now. i dont wanna face jerome with a sleepy face tomorrow! nights y'all

hella goodness`


hydefied - @ 01:08


Tuesday, May 23, 2006
INSPIRE

i shall update for ben's sake (happy?!).

i got a haircut...and now i look like a kid-o...kinda sad. although looking young is good, but i dun think i can watch a M18 movie without having to get my IC checked. damn! well..casilda say i look "fresher" than before, maybe long hair makes me old...and shabby.

monday was alright, didnt really understand CSF practical though. saddening, and DEL lecturer is a bitch, he keeps complaining and complaining to our tutor...isnt complaining supposed to be what women do...and he's very naggy..one that make me dread going to his class. jerome, jerome, wherefore art thou jerome... ):

math test was fine, i could attempt about 80% of the paper...the last question was rather tough, considering the fact that i am still not familiar with integration by parts. ok, i have a wonderful and sweet lecturer...but i cant help but drift off to lala land once in a while. its like all i do is scribble the solutions to the book without much thoughts. thats' bad if i am aiming for an A for EM3B.

common test is coming in like 2 weeks time, and i still hadnt got the mood to start on revision. heard from casey that they got FOOP theory test to take. phew! lucky OOP2 only have final theory test! thank goodness! (: but there's still CSF, DEL, EM3B... =.=

FOM project and presentation next week, i think. honestly, i dun like projects and exams cuz it just kills off my brain cells. its staring at the books with tons of words, formulas and endless scribblings...i just gonna pray hard that i can do even better than last semester.

oh...before i forget! HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY YUAN EE! ((=

well......Shall we dance?!


hydefied - @ 21:00


Thursday, May 18, 2006
Kaleidoscope

ok. too much of jerome makes me lil tired. its like a sudden obsession. and i just realise jerome look like ricky ullman - aka the actor from disney channel's "phil of the future'. uber cuteness. they look quite alike, imo.

got back IN lab, could have gotten full marks but cuz of "thinking too much", i threw away so many marks. sadded. nazir is cool beans, he actually cancelled lecture and practical. he's one of the most slack [which is good] teacher i ever had. =)) DEL lecturer is naggy and boring, IN3 lecturer is kinda strict but still a nice man though. jerome also dont teach lor, sit there reading via the computer instead of going thru the lab like what most teachers do! hmpf!

yea...its finally friday again. i like it when time pass so fast but then it'd mean that common test week is coming soon. ok..i hadnt been really studying so i am panicking already. i do hope i can do well...at least i need not work so hard during final exams.

all alone at home is boring. i wasnt really in the mood for k-box, and no 1 was really interested in movies either. so its back to more cartoons and videos. hella goodness. =]

oh. that's hot!


hydefied - @ 16:24


Wednesday, May 17, 2006
CAROLS

jerome is so hot! i especially like his voice. veh deep and so sexy, ya...make me fantasize bout lotsa. but just like what i said, its only a fantasy. veh sad! :[

just recovered from my sickness. and feeling alot better than the friday. maybe will get back IN lab test tomorrow. worried cuz i am always afraid of the results, even if i know how to do, i am still worried.

mmm...all oreo yogurt ice-cream is nice. mmm...i dun think i will do so well for fundemental of marketing. i am just not a marketing girl, there are times i just dont understand the question and i am so lost. i have been like a lost sheep this past week. sadded. i dun understand alot of things, and i am undergoing some major mood swings again. i hope to pull through this whole semester. the modules are getting tougher and tougher, and i dun like the lecturers! hurhur

i find my life very boring, maybe cuz i dont have night activity. but then i dont really enjoy going out at night, its dark and lonely. and i feel night is for me to sleep and not to go out. i dun club and see not point in doing so. it merely waste my money and also destoy my health. i stopped all the late night calls so i wont be a victim of brain cancer.


i wanna graduate soon, earn enough money to migrate to somewhere else to start afresh. it will be nice to live in a new environment. i get to experience the four seasons, instead of just summer all the time. damn! the heat is getting to my head, and i find myself getting irritated and frustrated very easily.

boredness is contagious


hydefied - @ 18:41


Tuesday, May 16, 2006
walking proud

IN Lab Test 1 was a killer! i was confused, lost..when i saw the question. i am sorry sir, i just totally blank out. after the test, felt like going k box with ben...however, not everyone is in the mood for singing, so i opt for movie while ben, fir, ian, wz went dota-ing. watched "À ton image" in school, not a bad movie [minus out the bed scenes], the actresses are beautiful! :D i love french movie!

was deciding whether or not i wanna attend math. in the end, i still went for it, met cas at the co-op before we head on to the classroom.

good movies are coming up! so many movie and so lil time, plus common test is like round the corner, and so many modules to study. =.= DEL prac yesterday was alright, but i totally cant understand what the tcher was saying. he already has this strong accent and yet he mumbles!! but his tone is nice, deep...kinda sexy...he may sound good...in bed!! LMFAO!!!

IS tomorrow, presentation and we are so not prepared for anything. kinda expected, we never meet up, only conference via msn! so i hope we can get something constructive and solid from the conversation later! aja aja!!


hydefied - @ 18:14


Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Moments

i wish they will stop quarreling. the noise is unbearable and i feel like crying when i hear the screams. whatever happen to the potrait that reflects a happy family. when will it stop and when will he understand whatever that she meant.

i feel sad lately cuz of the things that are happening. but yet i dont know who to talk to. and when i tried taling...the answer i got was "when do you need me?" saddening. i guess i shouldnt try so hard to be friends. yeah? i dont know. where's adam? oh...he'd be here soon, i hope. i just want someone to tell me everything will be alright and tomorrow will be a brighter day.

i wish i was stronger. and i dont want to have to face people..all the time. the courage in me in deteriorating and i feel so worthless.

best friend, best friend, wherefore art thou...


hydefied - @ 21:02


Monday, May 08, 2006
Happy Ending

first and foremost, i'd like to apologise to firdaus kor kor! sorry for raising my voice at you. i guess my irritation and frustration got the better of me, and i shouted at you! =[

i hate being so emotional
i hate being just so weak
i hate being always so helpless
i hate being labelled
i hate dilemmas
......i may hate myself sooner or later...

but for now, i just hope to get over with alot of un-solved things. i should be more selfish and try my best to ignore other people's worthless and brainless comments. fuck those suckers. and i dun mean literally. X(

may tomorrow dont be so fucked up!


hydefied - @ 19:13


Saturday, May 06, 2006
HOPE or PAIN

DisorderRating
Paranoid:High
Schizoid:Low
Schizotypal:Moderate
Antisocial:High
Borderline:Very High
Histrionic:Very High
Narcissistic:High
Avoidant:Very High
Dependent:Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive:High

-- Personality Disorder Test --
-- Personality Disorder Information --




hydefied - @ 21:51



Liar

irritating freaks. they choose to wait and do things for me, and yet they have the guts to complain bout it, and bitch-ed behind me. its like it takes two hands to clap, i know i am at fault too, but why shift all the blame to me and still claim dun wanna hurt me. oh the irony, make me wanna laugh.

thus i am labelled as such person that they has wasted whatever crap on. yea...it'd always be the fault. i'd always be the one to take the blame. and i will always be this evil lil fucking bitch who destroy your future, or break ur heart. the cruelty of befriending so-called friends or in other words foe.

no matter what, it make me realise i still have much [much!] better friends around me all the time. been confiding alot of my problems to ben. i felt very sad yesterday, was on the verge of crying but sadly, i had no one to talk to cuz of the fact that both ben and fir arent in school. i dont wanna disturb cas cuz she is already very tired. i just kept everything in, but i am glad tears werent sighted. i dont want un-necessary or maybe [ which i hope not ] false concerns. i just people just enjoy seeing my break-down, cry and everything. sadists....well...its kinda like me, but then i only enjoy seeing people i hate suffer. and i love it!

i just want to graduate asap. so i need not face so many people. but then i'd miss the times i have with cas, fir, wz, ben [ my new best friend, along with cas, fir], and liting. they've been great fun to be with. i'd miss them dearly if i am still planning to move to somewhere out of singapore! =[

tomorrow will be a better day.

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~ -Hard Gay


hydefied - @ 10:48


Friday, May 05, 2006
WONDERLAND part2

FUCK! I FUCKING HATE YOU! F.U.C.K

ohh..i feel like a complete failure after whatever that has happen


hydefied - @ 13:10



WONDERLAND

am i that anti-social? or do i hurt people through my actions? i really dunno why people think so. i am good if you are good to me, and i can be equally nasty if you are to me too. i felt kinda sad after what happen last night, but i try to maintain my composure and be as per normal. i didnt really feel like talking, but then i dont want to be questioned for such quiet-ness.

i think maybe i still cant stand the idea of falling in love, its still too scary for me, and i realise he may hate me cuz i made him wait. kinda disappointing, i guess when a relationship sours, friendship can never...well...is hard to maintain. saddening. but its too late to feel sorry or sad about it.

been thinking alot. maybe i just have to get through this 3 years and hopefully, save enough money to move to another country, at least i can start afresh without all those people. going to a place without knowing anybody can be rather fun! =)

i dun understand oop2 today, i feel like an idiot when everyone around me knows what is going on. i feel like a lost sheep without the shepherd. i feel blinded by everything and i feel so tired bout the things going on in my life. i feel so depressed, like today, but yet i have no one to confide with. i guess i arent really so close to the people around me afterall. :'(

where's my knight in shining armour? i sense tears! =(


hydefied - @ 10:13