Wondering why I'm feeling so blue.
If life was always as sweet as honey
I guess we won't be always worrying about money,
Sometimes I don't know why cry
I could feel my tears starting to dry.
I really wish you could make me smile
Does it really hurt just to go that extra mile?
I don't know why I'm feeling so gloom
Oh, would you mind, give me some room."
I really don't know how to describe my emotions now. I feel like crying, I feel like screaming, I feel helpless, I feel lonely, I feel weak, I feel nothing. I'm overwhelmed with everything. CCT is tomorrow and all I could think of is Jerome. I know it's wrong, teachers can never date their students and vice versa. It's still the so near yet so far analogy.
Alot of things has been happening at home and I feel so lost. I'm directionless now. Feelings of dreadfulness is building inside of me. Even going to school isn't so fun and exciting anymore. And like what i said in my previous entry --- Jerome can't even motivate me to attend school anymore. It's kinda saddening. I'm afraid to face my classmates, I don't wanna lose my temper at them. I try my best to control my feelings, laugh and act as though nothing has happened. I'm starting to lose this ability, I'm terrified of myself, I realise I don't even understand myself.
I'm sinking into the world of destruction and writing this just make me feel like crying. I wanna cry it all out. Where is the shoulder for me to cry on? Where is the best friend that I could confide to? And where is the man who can give me emotional support and be there for me?
This feeling is slowly torturing me. I guess sometimes I just get too emotional. Please excuse me as I dry my tears. No Jerome! :'(
Had Jerome's class on Monday. Was actually considering whether or not I wanna go...cuz 10am lesson would mean having to wake up at 8am. Tiring, but Ben was like...go....and in the end I went lor~ Nice! Cuz Jerome [ or affectionately known as Jerhomie] wore a new shirt!! Yeah- ^^ White shirt with black strips. My "Zebra Man"
Tuesday was always the nicest, 2 lessons in a day, rather relaxing. But I was kinda moody in the morning because of what happened in the IN lab. :( Wednesday's IS was golly smashing. We got a B, but still, I am so glad it's over. Kudos to both Firdaus and Casey for being so nice to volunteer to be our model! :) Love to Cas, YewMing, Ben for being ever so understanding and patient. :)
Today is a good day, I met Jerhomie at the co-op, although we went different direction, we still met at the fridge where the Evian Mineral water was placed. Took the same brand of mineral water! Aww....after that, we met again at the library CD section. I was at the world music, he was at the classical music. Then later when I went to borrow the CDs, he was just behind me! woot~ I've never been so lucky~ ^^
Been dreaming of Jerhomie lately, I guess its the resultant of thinking about him too much. I absolutely love it when he actually kiss moi~ OMG! Too bad it ain't real life. It would have been SO SO much better! :D
Dress - $39
Shoes - $20
Makeup - $ 40
Hooking up with Jerhomie - Priceless.
Well, some things money just can't buy~
I don't know what has happened to me lately, even Jerome can't motivate me to go to school already. Last time, no matter how tired I am, I'd go for Jerome's sake. However, now, even if i do get to see him, I just don't have the feeling and mood to face him~
Sometimes I don't understand why I try so hard to be nice and helpful to everyone, they just don't appreciate it, minus a few minority [i mean]. They are just nice to you when they need your help, after that, they pass all sorts of comments and insults behind your back. I know you don't like me, but why act like you do? Because you can ask me for more help when you encounter problems - be it homework or whatever. Idiots! All they do is make FULL use of you, then dump you to a corner. What's worse, they say all sorts of bad things about you. Yeah?! I wish you all could just die, ot whatsoever.
There is just no point being good with ignorant people, they don't appreciate your help I feel un-motivated to go school, to face all sorts of people, who only pretend to be nice to you when in fact they keep on gossiping about you. Fucking bastards or bitches. If you are so smart, you shouldn't ask me for help.
Family problems have seem to lighten up abit, which is good. It is school that is bringing me down. I feel frustrated thinking about going there. I feel like I'm caught in between and I can't breathe. I feel like a fool by allowing myself to be made use by them. Compassion INDEED is a weakness.
My relationship with Adam is also on the rocks. Maybe I vent all my frustration on him, and he'd be like "Why can't you face me and smile? Everytime I see you, you look like you wanna cry and you get irritated easily" You see, what you all have made me?! I'm sorry, you may say I shouldn't be so emotional and get affected by it, BUT then, if it were you, HOW WILL YOU FEEL?!
Thus, if I feel like dying, will you accompany me? :(
Casey's BEFORE & AFTER. Couldn't post it online due to some shitty thingy in the system. So here it is. See the difference. Make Over = SUCCESS! :)
I had a hard time finding, and begging, for my model. And thanks to Xiaoo Xingg aka Casey who is willing to help us. woot woot~ yeah- xiaoo xingg. presentation today was ok, rather nerve wreaking, i must admit.... :(
This was before. We made him wear cas's slippers to look sloppy~
BUT after some mix and match......
Voila, Casey on casual Friday~ with polo tee. :) Jerome style~
next up, we made him wear Fir's short sleeve shirt, and we got......
THIS, then we put on a coat for him, to make him look more like a CEO! :)
Tadah, as Casey got into the mood, he decided to be fun enough to strike pose~
Woot Woot~ nice nice. Next Top Model? You decide~
we decided to experiment on more, and next look, we shall present :
We'd proceed on with his own formal wear,
:) Handsome Boy~ :D YEAH!
*clap clap* I thank you for your kind attn. woot woot~ see the change? from 1st pic all the day to the last?! heh heh heh~
Time really pass so fast. Another week has gone by, and it's a new week. So many things are happening so fast, and sudden that I feel so depressed about it~ Sometimes I do feel like crying but yet I try my best to hold the tears back. Crying is a sign of weakness, and I don't want this weakness to show. sigh~
I get irritated easily lately, be it just a casual remark, action. I feel angered by such things. :( I may come across as being petty, but sometimes please do be considerate about people's feelings. Sometimes, people just say stuff that cuts you deep, yet they don't feel remorseful about it, what's worse is we have others also adding on and on thinking it's a joke! Many of times, I feel like just screaming and slapping them, yet I don't wanna ruin this friendship BUT then, they don't know their limits!!!! :( They can insult you from your size and all the way to your interest, beliefs and even crushes. Sadded~
Lately, I guess part of my frustration came from the IS project, because somethings we just don't see the same, and I get rather pek chek trying to get my point across. Plus the time when we had to do the filming, and there was some dispute over it...well, I guess my anger actually got the better of me...and I just flare up. :(
Part of the reason I decided to password it is more like to keep it more private, some things I just don't wanna share with any Tom, Dick and Harry. Neither do I want people to pass sarcastic remarks or even insults. Maybe I should try changing my URL. :'(
I don't hate my life, but the people around me!
i just cant accept the fact that Italy won. hmpfh!
i like how school has been wonderful, but yet, i dont understand OOP, DEL, some parts of Math. the rest is fine, i still can cope. hurhurhur. where is my smart boyfriend that i can rely on to teach me all the difficult parts in all of these modules! :'(
sadly, Jerome doesnt use MSN, which means if he does go back to US, its like a total break of contact le! and well, he's indeed a smart guy, studying in Princeton Uni (if i didnt remember wrongly!). and he is leaving this September, so fast! everything is going so fast, i am so afraid of it.
only 4 people attended DEL lab today. kinda sad right?! cuz of the world cup, many arent able to wake up in time, even if they do, they dun attend, cuz according to firdaus, he says he doesnt really learn much in jerome's class. oh well, i dunno what to say. =.=
Pirates of The Caribbean 2 - Dead Men Chests. Anyone interested to watch? SMS me ya?! :)
found this on random, did this out of boredom.
; favourite drink: Green Tea
; favourite band: The Offspring
; favourite animal: Kitten
; favourite burger: no preference
; favourite fruit: Honeydew
; favourite season: Winter
; have a girlfriend/boyfriend: Used to have
; think others find you attractive: I don't know
; want a tattoo: Never will have
; thinking : Jerome Ku
; chatting : My cousin
; watched : Dragon Zakura
; long distant relationships: Depends
; killing people: Against
; teenage smoking: Against
; soccer: For
;Italy or France: France
; ever cried over a girl or boy: Yes
; ever been arrested: No
; ever had a friend died: Yes, saddening
; ever dated a cousin: Erm..no
; ever used a gun: No
; ever finished a puzzle: Yes
; ever got surgery: Nope
; ever got beaten up: Nope
; ever hated someone: Yes
; ever made a huge mistake:
; ever tried any drugs: Never will
; ever jogged a mile: Yah
; favorite number: 2
; of times I have had my heart broken: Yes
; of drugs you have taken: yes, medicine
LAST PERSON WHO:
; slept in your bed: ME
; made you cry: Don't know
; yelled at you: Mum
; Blue or Red: Blue
; Spring or Fall: Fall
; criminal record: nope
; do you speak any other language: 2
; piercings and where: nope
; how old do you look: Average
; how old do you act: never my age
; do you have any pets: YES! A tortoise, Fishes
; do you get embarrassed: very easily
; do you get jealous easy: depends
ONE. Spell your name without vowels:
TWO. What is the date 2 days after your birthday?:
THREE. How many pairs of jeans do you own?:
; more than 5
FOUR. What color do you wear most?:
FIVE. Least favourite color?:
SIX. Last song you heard?:
; Unbreakable - Michael Jackson
SEVEN. What's for dinner tonight?:
EIGHT. Are you happy with your life right now?:
; Yes & No
NINE. Anyone ever said you resemble a celebrity?:
TEN. In what state or country do you want to go to school in?:
ELEVEN. Do you shop at stores likeHollister, Abercrombie & Fitch ?:
; No such store here.
TWELVE. How do you make babies?:
; Have sex
THIRTEEN. Last thing you bought ?:
; Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
FOURTEEN. When do you start Summer?:
FIFTEEN. Are you missing someone right now?:
SIXTEEN. One word to describe you:
SEVENTEEN. Favorite pair of shoes?
; No preference
EIGHTEEN. Do you own big sunglasses?:
NINETEEN. What would you rather be doing right now?:
i just my preaching of jerome-ism is a lil too much, but....its not my fault that i do like him so much. i may appear desperate, but then, oh nvm! ='(
this past week has been nice. went to kallang stadium to watch the national day rehearsal yesterday. memorable night plus a wonderful display of fireworks! =)
i shall update more when i come home ya, i needa have my lunch now. :)
lunch was great, but the weather isnt. its raining....and i feel drowsy whenever it does. my csf quiz had to be reactivated as my web-browser got stuck, and when i relogin, they took away my privilege to reassess it, thus i had to trouble mr lau to reactivate the quiz. well, i got 90%, cuz of one stupid mistake. damn! =(
the weekend just go by too soon, its monday again, and i'll be attending the del lab with so much confusion again as jerome dont teach! ='( i really need a smart boyfriend who is especially good in del to teach me! i'm confused.
for now, i need to get my life back. i shall lay down some rules for myself
1. Thou shalt not have the habit of procrastinate.
2. Thou shalt not be too emotional.
3. Thou shalt not preach too much of Jerome-ism.
4. Thou shalt be punctual when meeting friend or anyone.
5. Thou shalt be patient with ignorant people.
6. Thou shalt be accept critisms gracefully.
7. Thou shalt be more understanding. =)
easy to say but yet difficult to fufil. aja aja! =)
THIS IS SO UNFAIR! i'm just 18
WHERE IS MY YOUTH DAY HOLIDAY!!?
well, to cheer myself up, i went to bought this in school......
Ceramic art, made into a keychain, and the lady selling it was kind enough to write somethings at the back for me.
awww.....cia & jerome.....yea...i wish! =)