Monday, April 27, 2015
Falling in Love

I think I am idealistic when it comes to love, matter of fact, VERY idealistic. I blame romance novels for brainwashing me so badly. If I had known that it is bad for me. I'd probably had run far far far away from it.

I think I am insecure with the way I look. I never think I was the prettiest or the most popular. I don't think guys will notice me.  I loved how things are so sweet and nice in romance books/movie. I always think guys should be the one to make the first move, he will try to hold your hand during your first date, and it will end with a magical goodnight kiss. *magical~~*

I think the problem I have? I fall in love too easily, and when this happened, I tend to not think rationally and I get upset and cry over it. So far, I only really really liked 2 person. - 1 was A and the other was DT. Maybe I like nerdy, gentlemanly and the way they make me laugh. I cried over them for days and I really don't know why I put myself through this.

I hate how my brain liked to over-think on simple things and fucked me up all the way. I remember meeting someone and going on our 1st date (before I even met A), I was so disappointed that it wasn't all fairytale like and I realised this is life. I am a dreamer but this is not the right world.

No, I am not emo/ sad or whatever. Just thinking I need to grow up. It's always good to have fantasy and run away from everyday life. However, I cannot let it affect me to the point I fall sick or even felt so much pain. I am blessed with good family, cousin, besties and I promised them I will never fall back into the times when I felt like dying inside.

So I am letting you go. Til now, I always still say I liked you but I am quite sure it is all one sided. Maybe someday you'd like me back too but for now, I need to let go. I think by liking you, I throw myself back into the black hole. Forever having to question your motives for being nice to me. Been there, done that and had a scar to prove it. :S

Sometimes I scare myself with too much what ifs. I put myself through so much agony and unhappiness because of this. As much as I really liked you so so much, I need to know that fantasy isn't reality and be fully honest and harsh with myself. I know why they say you'd die a broken heart. When I cried over you, I really felt the pain.

I guess this shall be my last post on you.

I love you but I gotta love myself more.

May there be a rain after the rainbow :)

Hwaiting!!


Hydefied @ 08:30