Friday, March 14, 2014
Closure
I finally mastered up my courage to tell you I like you, and your reaction to me was “Oh I see”.
You really confused me. I feel so awful having to guess if
you feel mutually the same. Decided to
confront you after a week because I am getting really tired of going through
this emotion again. I thought I have let go of you, but after telling you I really
like you, I realised I didn’t really let go. I only try to run away and hide.
You told me you don’t know what to say (wtf). I am mentally prepared that I will face rejection
because it is really sudden that I told you my feelings. I have distanced
myself for almost like 3 or 4 months, then I have this impulsive sudden useless
courage and I told you my feelings.
It’s a relieve knowing how you feel. As least it is a
closure for me, I feel like I can truly let go, move on. J
Then you started telling me how cheerful I used to be, and I
was very reserved. You wanted me to be like who I used to be. Is it possible? Even
I feel doubtful myself. Our friendship is like a broken mirror, even though it
is fixed, the cracks are still visible.
Next you started asking about my surgery, details and am I afraid
that I will die. I said yes and you reassured me that I will be fine. Told you
that many things can happen, even a huge airplane can vanish without a trace
(#prayforMH370). You told me that everything is going to be ok and I hope so.
Maybe the surgery made me braver, to confront my feelings. I
feel like I should do it and not regret why I didn’t do it. I don’t know if you
meant be friends for now means we may have possibility. I shall move on, this
is a good closure and I don’t want to fall into the same emotional turmoil.
My emoness since September has been hard on everyone close
to me. I feel bad that my BFFs have to endure my ranting, bouts of emo
outburst, crying, feeling down and being all whiny and feeling sorry for
myself.
I told myself I would be stronger and not let it affect me
anymore. I don’t like people worrying for me!
So be strong me, come what may!! J
Labels: closure, crying, emo, good luck, goodbye, grateful, raw feelings, relationship, true friends
Hydefied @ 16:39
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Wednesday, February 19, 2014
It will always be the same
Updates on my condition, went back to SGH on 10 Feb to make the appointment for my surgery (fix the deviated nose bone and remove the adenoid). Attended by yet another doctor who told us that the surgeon gave us a "silly thing" to do that when I should be removing my tonsils and adenoid instead - which to it was a "better solution and option to me". Decided to not book the appointment, called my god-ma and she recommended me to go see Dr Thomas Sim for a 2nd opinion.
Took urgent leave on 11 Feb to go see Dr Sim. He told me that my tonsils are naturally large, but there may not be a necessity to remove it unless it is giving me tonsillitis. I was referred to Paragon to do a CT Scan. The scan would allow the doctor to review my condition more accurately.
Went back yet again to Dr Sim on 13 Feb as my CT scan report was ready. I had pan-sinusitis. Need to wash out the mucus in my face and remove my adenoid. Dr Sim was nice enough to refer me to see Dr Siow @ TTSH and my appointment with Dr Siow would be on 25 Feb.
Hope for the best for now. Thankful that I went for the 2nd opinion and not just allow myself to undergo unnecessary surgery.
Still, through all these episodes, it makes me realise the people who really care, and I should treasure.
:) #grateful
Labels: 2nd review, appointment, condition, false friends, good luck, grateful, personal musing, personal rants, ranting, sickness, sinus, true friends
Hydefied @ 09:57