Friday, March 14, 2014
Closure
I finally mastered up my courage to tell you I like you, and your reaction to me was “Oh I see”.
You really confused me. I feel so awful having to guess if
you feel mutually the same. Decided to
confront you after a week because I am getting really tired of going through
this emotion again. I thought I have let go of you, but after telling you I really
like you, I realised I didn’t really let go. I only try to run away and hide.
You told me you don’t know what to say (wtf). I am mentally prepared that I will face rejection
because it is really sudden that I told you my feelings. I have distanced
myself for almost like 3 or 4 months, then I have this impulsive sudden useless
courage and I told you my feelings.
It’s a relieve knowing how you feel. As least it is a
closure for me, I feel like I can truly let go, move on. J
Then you started telling me how cheerful I used to be, and I
was very reserved. You wanted me to be like who I used to be. Is it possible? Even
I feel doubtful myself. Our friendship is like a broken mirror, even though it
is fixed, the cracks are still visible.
Next you started asking about my surgery, details and am I afraid
that I will die. I said yes and you reassured me that I will be fine. Told you
that many things can happen, even a huge airplane can vanish without a trace
(#prayforMH370). You told me that everything is going to be ok and I hope so.
Maybe the surgery made me braver, to confront my feelings. I
feel like I should do it and not regret why I didn’t do it. I don’t know if you
meant be friends for now means we may have possibility. I shall move on, this
is a good closure and I don’t want to fall into the same emotional turmoil.
My emoness since September has been hard on everyone close
to me. I feel bad that my BFFs have to endure my ranting, bouts of emo
outburst, crying, feeling down and being all whiny and feeling sorry for
myself.
I told myself I would be stronger and not let it affect me
anymore. I don’t like people worrying for me!
So be strong me, come what may!! J
Labels: closure, crying, emo, good luck, goodbye, grateful, raw feelings, relationship, true friends
Hydefied @ 16:39